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dena kay

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(no subject) [May. 29th, 2006|10:16 am]
dena kay
So...went to the saloon with gino and peter last night. I got myself a little toasted, but had more fun than i have had in a long time. I woke up today and my eyemakeup is all over my face though....should probably wash it at some point.
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2006|07:34 am]
dena kay
Sunday was officially one year from the date of my commencement at Luther. I am still trying to understand what it is I want to do as a college graduate. I know I could find a job that would pay me much better money, and yet I am doing makeup and bartending...not really what I would call utilizing the college experience but ahh well.

I have to get to work...more another time.
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2006|01:57 am]
dena kay

soo...i never seem to write on hear anymore...but I have had some drinks, and it seems okay.

I am 24, which means I am now an old broad. PS-GROSS.

I have two jobs and i work too much for too little money. I love doing makeup, but I need to pay back those student loans and know I could be making three times as mch with three college degrees but have no idea where to even begin looking. I am content with life in general, but I miss Bre greatly, like the stars. She helped me in ways I could never thank her for, like every other aspect of our friendship. There has never been words for me to say to her to express the gratitude I have for a friend as tremendous and bold as she is, no matter what. I have realize I need to do my study abroad and be done and move on and learn before it is too late. I am now an aunt again. My stepbrothers wife,(would that be sister in law or step sister in law?) had her second baby three days ago. she is one year older than me and a mother of two with a real job. weird.

call me...tell me happy birthday, because I say so.
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(no subject) [Mar. 1st, 2006|10:57 am]
dena kay
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |nooooooone]

I don't write in here too frequently, and have started to feel a bit awkward about it lately. I believe that is due to the fact that I read up on everyone elses lives and don't spend enough time reflecting my own.

Still haven't gone to Spain. Still say I will very very soon. I work too damn much, but am trying to stop that.

I need to go to Iowa to figure some school stuff out. I would like to start Yoga again....I feel very stiff in the limbs lately....maybe from being so damn boring all the time.

I havent been into artwork lately, which is sad. No painting, no drawing....now it will take a little swinging back into things....I really want to paint, even for just a night.....I think i should head down to my aunts store and check out some of my past stuff just to get a feel for myself. Maybe it is conceited of me, but I feel I can read myself a little bit better when I am physically seeing something that came out of me. I feel tangible, real.

So thats all of my awesome update but i have a bar to tend to in 30 minutes so......

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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2005|03:18 pm]
dena kay
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |making up cheesy songs in my head....]

I do not seemto be a frequent writer in here lately. I don't feel all that interesting to spread my thoughts about. I am done with school. I think I am sad about that. Kinda lonely. I realize that it is different that me just coming back once in a while and my friends all have lives and I don't know where mine is, SO... I have this weird paranoia about intuding in on other's lives. I havent been home for the fall in 5 years. I don't know what I am going to make of it. I live visiting on the weekends. There is something in the fall air that makes me think. I don't know if its the death around me or the anticipation, but I always seem to value life a little more in autumn. I spend time reflecting and wishing and really looking at things around me. I am excited to be around that here again. I am afraid I will lose my ambitions. I haven't painted all summer. It is also strange how coming home does that to you. I get so caught up in things that I don't give my self time to do what I really want. I dont mean to sound pathetic, andI am definitely not pittying myself for choosing to become distracted, I just don't know where to go with myself. I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that I am a dreamer. I hate restraint, but yet I feel like I cover myself in it at times. I want so much but am too scared to go out there and get it. For some reason I love it here, but I feel like I will be copping out if I don't move around. I don't want to have regrets, but I feel like any choice I make could leave me with those at some point. People ask me all the time what I am going to do. I don't know. When asked whatI want to do, I am not even honest. I have no idea why, but I get embarassed to tell others my dreams because they do not include getting an suv and house with my awesome office job or whatever....but if I don't live up to what I have setin my head, I will feel like a failure and surely will fall into one of the things that I tell others. So, I tell people my back-up plan when they want toknow what I want to do. ITs safe, secure, sounds smart, still a little interesting, and gets me a proud pat on the head. I still feel guilty when I do it. Probably becuase it is one of the things that I constantly say I don't want to do, but have to put on the face for those certain people. I AM PRETTY DAMN PATHETIC. I have 3 degrees, (after this one stupid class, but I did commencement so whatever). I am 23. I have always settled for what people nudge me into. THe smart choice was to go to Luther...a big fish in a small school....rather than the other way around, right? bull. But I loved it there. My question is when do I start making my life for me? and how does one even begin to do that when there is just soo much clutter in the way?
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(no subject) [May. 15th, 2005|07:01 pm]
dena kay
My birthday rocked ass.
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(no subject) [May. 9th, 2005|03:46 pm]
dena kay
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |Felix, Runaway Dreamer.....my obsession......]

I was just reflecting on some things, going through pictures and realized just about how much I miss Bre. I have a different kind of friendship with her that I cannot begin to explain, but its comfortable. No matter how long it has been since I have spoken to her, we seem to fall back in. I like that. I have one other friend that I can treat on the same level, and I see her everyday. Bre has this look in her eyes when you see her that reminds you of who you are and that is something special. I miss it.

And my cheesy notes probably will not stop anytime soon as I am getting ready to participate in graduation ceremonies and move on to another stage of my life. I am not sure that I am at all ready for it, but we will see. I am so attatched to being here right now. The people, the parties, the river, the weather, the walking, the memories.....I dont want that to end. Decorah is 5 steps away from reality, and sometimes that is so perfect.

I am scared. I am afraid to leave the best friend I have met here. I am afraid to leave the most stable home I have had in the past five years and I am afraid to be on my own completely. I have this support group to hold me back right now and I am choosing to not deal with every issue in my life until I can actual be dedicated to it. I don't want to become old and redundant. I dont want a normal job and a normal life but I dont want to run away from what I do have now anymore. Thats a step in the right direction.

Classes are done on thursday.....jello keg.

I organized a silent auction yesterday...Got 150$ worth of Aveda products plus a 40$ tanning package and two gift certificates AND a new keychain for 42$....

My birthday present to myself.

I want Gaucho pants....real bad.....
AND I want some big ole wedge shoes....SEXY MAMA.........Woah Random.
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2005|10:43 pm]
dena kay
9 days until my birthday.......COME VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2005|07:20 pm]
dena kay
Commencement is on May 22nd. If anyone feels like seeing my rockstar college and hanging out that would be bad ass. (I just thought I would give an opportunity to visit me here before I leave, specially since this is the crazy time of year....and its gorgeous................

I have to create a lot of paintings and write a nine page paper....woo.
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(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2005|12:27 pm]
dena kay
My therapist says that I have severe childhood trauma. I am hot shit.
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